Friday, August 14, 2009

Just Haven't Felt Like Writing

I just have not felt like writing. The energy to create has been sapped from me and to press the keys of the computer feels like lifting 500 lbs of iron.
At the same time as out hopeful president was inaugurated I lost my job.
I have been looking ever since trying to figure out what I am going to do? 2000 resumes later I am still trying to figure.
The combined stress of job search and watching our president become embroiled in Neo-Fascist media tactics has sapped my desire to write.
Usually I am best as a poet/writer when my life is chock full of activity. Let me work for 12 hours a day and I will turn out poems and novellas. Give me large blocks of anguish time and I do nothing.
My life now is a slow, depressing burn.
It is not that bad things happen-- it is that nothing happens. Days become the same with no differences.
I don't have the energy to be Irascible either. I just find what most poets are doing laughable and irrelevant.
The only post I recently from a poet that was spot on was from Maxine Chernoff about the budget cuts in the Cal State system. The fact that during this time of Recession we are cutting funding to a system like the Cal State System which is usually the entry point for first time college attendees shows how short sighted we are today.
I have to say that I am tired of President Obama being so 'nice'. I believe in him but I do not understand why the people who caused all this pain are being coddled? Why can't we say the truth? I am tired of the lack of truth. We need to do something to end the Las Vegas mentality. Why aren't the people from Goldman Sachs in jail? We need to demand change. But I am afraid that the neo fascists are stronger than our lovely- idealistic president.
I have spent allot of time this summer with Albert Camus. He does feed the soul and this quote from his Notebooks 1951-1959 from Ivan R Dee Press ends the book.
"I sometimes accuse myself of being incapable of love. Maybe this is true, but I have been able to select a few people and to keep for them, faithfully the best of me no matter what they do"
It makes me wonder what it means to keep the best of yourself?
I ask this question allot?

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